They keep saying "Please send us a private message to further assist you" over and over again, and hey; I did exactly that. You know what it got me? They brought up that I can buy extra 1Gb chunks at $5 a pop, to my supposed unlimited plan, and that I should really try connecting my phone to Wi-Fi instead of using up that "unlimited" 35Gb of data. Except if I could connect to a Wi-Fi network at my work, I wouldn't have purchased an unlimited data plan in the first place.
Luckily, I've already found another provider that will still work without changing any of my family's phones and we will be switching over before the end of the current billing cycle. Enjoy your 2G speeds.